


i'm his ex, trust me, he'd date you (drabble #2)

by 060817



Series: drabble dump [2]
Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Blind Date, Drabble, M/M, Mentions of drugs, Rated T for swearing, but no actual drugs, kind of anyway, lapslock, past!yoonmin, yes yoonmin has a weird relationship deal with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/060817/pseuds/060817
Summary: alt. title: break into his house to get into his heart (an epic telanovela by park jimin)being friends with your ex has its pros and cons. mostly cons. but sometimes pros.(the key word there is 'sometimes')





	

**Author's Note:**

> i tend to ramble a lot in my fics, i'm sorry, my only excuse is that i think yoongi has a lot of inner/mental monologues with himself too haha
> 
> i think i might have had inconsistent use of tenses lmao i need a beta fml
> 
> I edited the main title into what I felt was more fitting! sorry for the sudden change ;;A;;

"what the fuck." are the first words that fall from yoongi's lips. he narrows his eyes, trying to comprehend the situation before him.

before him, right smack in his living room, is taemin, smiling serenely (or dopely? yoongi isn't sure) at him, dressed up from head to toe in a maid outfit, complete with fishnet stockings and black, shiny heels. what. the actual. _fuck_.

"uh..." yoongi tries not to think of the skirt swishing against taemin's thighs and spits out, "did you break into my apartment? 'cause if you did I'll dial up the police." to prove his point, he fishes out his cellphone and waves it aggressively. 

the smile on taemin's face stays, bright as ever. jesus, was this kid on drugs? "jimin let me in." he said, tilting his head a bit.

well. that explained it.

sighing, yoongi allowed himself to relax. being friends with an ex was dangerous business, especially if that ex was park jimin, of all people. "would it hurt him to fucking text before pulling shit like this?" yoongi grumbled, shuffling off towards the kitchen, dumping his bag somewhere along the way. to the best of yoongi's memory, taemin was one of jimin's seniors slash friends from a prestigious dance studio. yoongi could vaguely remembered seeing the other from the rare times he had visited jimin's dance practices. wasn't he jinki hyung's cousin? brother?

that aside, this wasn't the first time yoongi had walked into his apartment to find a total stranger inside his home, courtesy of jimin (as always). some didn't end well (no one talks about that one time junmyun made the mistake of wearing a black turtleneck. no one.) but other times it didn't turn out too bad. it was like jimin's twisted version of a blind date. to be fair, all the strangers were nice, and often then enough was a friend of a friend of yoongi. so if jimin trusted this kid enough to leave him in yoongi's apartment, so be it (fucking leaving strangers, seriously though, it was so like jimin to turn a blind eye to yoongi's safety). but years of living and knowing jimin had its perks: the kid was too much of a kindhearted angel to actually set yoongi up with an axe murderer.

probably.

"any particular reason he packed you all up in that abomination?" yoongi asked, gesturing towards the (very airy looking) outfit taemin was wearing as he eyed the different boxes of tea, all labeled with jimin's slightly smudged handwriting. sleepy time tea, thai tea (best chilled!), spicy tea, dog tea, chillax tea, questionable tea, wait- _dog_ tea-

"welcome home, _master_ ," taemin said, that smile still on his face. 

"what-" yoongi nearly pulled a muscle turning around so suddenly. "the fuck?" he choked, reaching out to steady himself by the table. he could feel his eyelids twitching.

if possible, taemin's smile grew brighter. yoongi narrowed his eyes at him. "...surprise?" taemin chuckled, wiggling his fingers a bit. oh god, he was making jazz hands. what a cheeseball.

groaning, yoongi whipped his phone out. "jesus," he gritted, punching out jimin's number before placing it to his ear, pinching the bridge of his nose as he waited for jimin to pick up. at yoongi's reaction, taemin' smile dimmed, and he dropped his hands to his sides. he hesitated, as if he was debating on something, before turning towards yoongi. yoongi arched an eyebrow.

and then he did  _the thing._ taemin did the  _one_ _fucking thing_ yoongi was weak to.

he  _pouted._

taemin _pouted_.

 

pouted, like a fucking _four year old_ -

"oh my god," yoongi spluttered, nearly dropping his phone. taemin laughed at him. yoongi could feel the tips of his ears heat up. "c-can you not-"

"hyung?" jimin's static-y voice popped through his phone's speakers. "what's up?"

turning away from the still laughing taemin, yoongi hissed, "don't ' _what's up_ ' me, park ji-fucker-min." jimin's shrill laughter crackled unattractively. scowling, yoongi lifted the phone away from his ear. from the corner of his eye, he watched as taemin carefully stepped closer.

"aw, hyung, you don't like my gift for you?" jimin giggled. yoongi shot taemin a glare. the kid had the nerve to bat his eyelashes in response. 

"gift? you know, one of these days, i'll arrive home and start chitchating with an actual murderer and get a knife to my throat," yoongi snarled, satoori slipping through. he beckoned curtly for taemin to sit down by the counter, trying to be at least civil towards the other. the least a min could do.

"c'mon hyung," jimin said breezily, the squeaks of shoes and low music nearly drowning his words. "i always come up with the best gifts."

yoongi rolled his eyes. "you know how i feel about these 'gifts'. i don't even understand what  _this one_ is supposed to be," he gestured again at taemin, who threw him a wink. yoongi cursed under his breath. at this rate, his ears were probably red as hell.

"ayyy, hyung, c'mon. you can't even guess?"

yoongi exhaled loudly. slamming his head against the counter seemed like a fine solution. "you're all idiots- fuck, do you seriously think I've had the time to god damn fucking guess what new fucking theme you've brewed up?" he paused, waiting for jimin to say something.

"i'm listening~" jimin hummed.

groaning in defeat, yoongi rolled his eyes. "okay, fine. taemin owes you big so you dress him up and cart him over here to call me 'master' and now he's my slave for the week or some kinky shit." yoongi scowled. "because we  _both_ know what kinky shit you're into park jimin."

"god hyung, you're no fun," jimin complained, using that stupid, high pitched voice he used to talk to children. yoongi made his mind up to throttle him the next time he saw him. "and anyway. since when did you get good at guessing? i used to drop _so_ many hints when we dated hyung, it wasn't even funny anymore, i was convinced you were blind a-" 

" _please_." yoongi gritted. "just get to the part where you, the evil mastermind, tell me whatever back story you had to whip up this new  _amazing_ plan so i can enjoy the rest of my evening in peace and qui-"

"and so, _welllllll,_ " jimin prattled on. _"_ kookie's been reading his weird manga spin offs again- doujins? dooshinjis? whatever- and I found this one where, wassisname, bakayama and hinata were forced to wear maid outfits and- they were so cute hyung- I thought, wouldn't it be nice if yoongi hyung had his own personal maid? so-" yoongi felt his knees weaken.

"minnie, _please_ tell you didn't actually-"

"-i asked taemin hyung if he was interested in dressing up and playing maid!" jimin finished, ignoring yoongi's garbled cursing. "he's super sweet hyung, and he'll take care of you well," jimin giggled. clearly, whatever taemin was doped up with, jimin was probably chugging down. "he said yes right after i showed pics of you. i'm proud of you," jimin fake sobbed. yoongi could imagine him wiping a nonexistent tear from his cheek. "you could post a selfie on grindr and actually get a decent date or at least a good dick pictu-"

yoongi wordlessly ended the call, feeling satisfied with the beep of his phone. 

"so?" taemin pipped up. yoongi groaned. taemin laughed again. "i'm at your service then. how do you want me, _master_?" yoongi spluttered. "should i start by getting ice for your ears, master? they're red as _fuck_ ," taemin said, a stupid grin on his face. hissing, yoongi stalked towards the younger.

"i'm going to count to one, and if you don't fucking run, i'm going to kick you out." taemin raised an eyebrow. yoongi lifted his fist. "one, two-"

the squeak of yoongi's chair against the floor rattled in the silence of his apartment, followed by loud stomping, taemin's elated screaming and the low rumble of yoongi's voice, filled with threats of death but tinges of amusement.

being friends with an ex was dangerous business, especially if that ex was park jimin. but sometimes, yoongi concluded, it was pretty damn fucking rewarding.

**Author's Note:**

> in conclusion, yoongi walks in the next day to his and jimin's weekly frenemy meet up with an arm around taemin's waist. it's a plot twist and a first for jimin since yoongi never dates the people jimin set him up with omfg i can imagine him furiously snap chatting taehyung  
> (j: "shIT BRO-MATE-FOR-LYF I'VE FINALLY HOOKED YOONGI UP"  
> t: "AMIGO ETERNIDAD TEXT ME WHERE Y'ALL AT IMMA STALK THAT SHIT WANNA SEE THAT LIVE HOOT HOOT YOUR GRANDPAS FINALLY GETTING IT"  
> j: "GRAB KOOKIE ON YOUR WAY OUT + HOSEOKKIE HYUNG"  
> t: "IMMA TEXT NAMJIN HYUNGS")  
> while trying to keep it cool in front of taemin+yoongs. i secretly believe that if yoongi and jimin were ex's, they'd still be great friends. cue shrugging.
> 
> i also do admit i lowkey believe yoongi would actually call taemin a child, at least when talking to himself. aaaaand yesssss jimin is lowkey dr. heinz doofenshmirtz. he probably calls each blind date *something*-inator lmao (my 3 year old brother loves watching phineas and ferb, i couldn't help myself. imagine jimin in a lab coat and everything haha what a dork pls give me twenty jezuz)
> 
> and yep i seem to like fucking up the pov of the titles lmao the title is in jimin's pov but the drabble is in yoongi's wow get a hold of yourself, self hahahahaha
> 
> as always, thank you for reading! any kudos, commnets or any kind of critique is greatly appreciated! i'm also on twitter @801_0608 so yELL WITH ME ABOUT YOONGI X TAEMIN OVER THEREEEEE


End file.
